13 December 2007

Sweet Dreams, Courtesy of Freddy Kreuger

When I was in Texas last weekend, I helped Brooke sort through the piles of crap that have accumulated in her house since Dave moved in. As a result, I got to take a shopping spree through her many many closets. One of my favorite finds was, I'm a little ashamed to admit, a sound machine she got as a gift from IBM. I've secretly wanted one since taking a nap with my nephew in Carmel to the soothing tunes of a tropical thunderstorm. It was the best 45 minutes of sleep I've had in years.

Tonight, I plugged in the machine and took it for a spin, flipping between jungle sounds, ocean, babbling brook, rainstorm, and ... heartbeat...? Seriously? What kind of sick freak wants to doze off to a thudding, and seriously irregular for that matter, heartbeat? I had to turn it off after about 30 seconds, it was like sleeping in an Edgar Allan Poe story. Really, can you think of anything creepier to fall asleep to?

11 December 2007

Christmas Link Theft '07

Merry Linksmas, courtesy of other people's internet finds! I didn't find one of these links myself, but they're great fun.

B sides for Christmas 2007. Someone's clever countdown to Christmas using really crappy Christmas songs and cheeky commentary. Love it!

B sides for Christmas 2006. Same deal, last year. I highly recommend last year's December 18th selection.

Christmas Medley from Indiana University men's a capella group. Cheesy as anything I've ever seen, but truly delightful. Be patient, the best part hits at about 1:50.

Free Rice. Each time you correctly identify a word's synonym, the site & United Nations donate 20 grains of rice to help fight world hunger. Okay, not directly Christmas-related, but nothing says holiday like a good cause and vocabulary expansion!

08 December 2007

Families... Those are the best

No offense to any of you who aren't in it, but my family is the best family ever. I took a quick trip down to Texas this weekend to celebrate Brooke's birthday (I also would have gone to celebrate fall or Tuesday, if you're wondering, as one of Plano's greatest qualities is that it's not Provo). A few observations from this weekend:

My family will find any reason at all to eat out. I've been here since Thursday morning and have not eaten one home-cooked meal. Side note, Tupinamba's has the fastest service of any restaurant in the world. Maybe they can just sense Willardsons when we pull in to the parking lot, but the speed at which our food is ready is almost disconcerting.

Matt, like Jenny before him, has used sophomore year to make the leap into being funny. Tonight I asked him what he thinks he'll major in at school, and he said "Awesomeness. That way I'm sure to get an A." He's also officially taller than me.

I cannot WAIT for Tyler to move to Utah. On Thursday I told him some story about Jenny being Jenny, to which he replied "We need to cancel her subscription to Sassy Magazine." We also had a great time poking fun at a certain pregnant woman who likes to remind people she's pregnant by asking completely irrelevant questions like, Is it okay for pregnant women to eat pepperoni? Tyler's best: Is it okay for pregnant ladies to make right turns?

All in all, a fantastic weekend, and it helped cure me of the Bummed to Be Away From Home at Christmas blues. I guess I can handle Christmas in the O.C.

29 November 2007

The thing is

I suck at blogging, guys. Three quasi-posts in November is just shameful. This is why I put my blog out of its misery the first time around.

Random thoughts that don't individually merit an entire blog entry:

Jenny, you need to make it so I can see your old posts. We're all afraid mom is going to read our blogs. Deal with it.

I have absolutely no idea what my partner clerk does all day. Well, did all day. She's out on maternity leave for three months, so I'm currently doing both our jobs, and I'm way better at it alone than when I had a partner. I hope she doesn't come back.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS. If I had $1000 right now, I would literally spend it all on decorations from Gatehouse and every imaginable holiday cd. Even Jewel. I started secretly listening to Christmas music September 17. I wrote it down.

I think my bailiff is racist.

I have no idea what to get Adam for Christmas.

I am so over the Sportsguy.

This blog is really boring.

17 November 2007

Dear Brain,

Please remember the awesome blog you were working on the other day.


08 November 2007

Happy Happy Birthday Kristi Dear

I miss you.

04 November 2007

Blogger: Permission Denied

If I'm not cool enough to be invited to my sister's blog, what am I cool enough for?

On the shower scene from Casino Royale

Me: I just think the finger sucking is weird. She just saw a guy die for the first time. It's probably the wrong moment, James.

Nate: There's never a wrong moment for finger sucking.

23 October 2007

ME: Janae Martin? Two kids. Sierra Stilovich? TWO KIDS. Kristin Willardson?

JENNY: Too cool

Thanks, Jen

20 October 2007

A few clips

Sara's set list went a little something like this:


Bottle it Up:


Love on the Rocks (2 parts):

Love Song:

Many the Miles:


Dear Sara Bareilles,

I am gonna write you a love song, because you're awesome.


And to All a Good Night

Tonight Jenny, Kristi, Michon and I went to the Sara Bareilles/Paolo Nutini concert in SLC, and sweet georgia pie, was it kick-a! Luckily, they changed venues at the last minute, so Kristi didn't have to flash anyone to get in. A few highlights:

*The venue was literally a church-by-day, club-by-night, so the lame-os who didn't stand actually sat in pews. PEWS! I said I had a policy never to sit in pews during a show, but Jenny thought I said pubes. I try to stay away from those, too.

*Sara is awesome in general, but even more so from eight feet away:
*Her lead guitarist, Javier, wasn't too shabby either:*Weird, that sort of looks like my BFF Sara Bareilles....Five times.
What? There's a finger in one of them? Still better than your picture with Sara Bareilles, biotch.

*Oh, and Jenny had lots and lots of cheer sex with this guy:

Lots. He was undressing her with his eyes. We told her to invite him to The Pie afterward, but he was more interested in a piece of her pie, if you know what I mean. As Kristi said, you don't play the guitar like that for pizza. Good times!

PS. Somebody tell me how to post video!

17 October 2007

Dear Pumpkin Butt,

You are the enemy of self control. Stop being filled with delicious treats.


11 October 2007

Peace out, effers

07 October 2007

Too late to 'pologize

Dear Jenny,

I bought Timbaland today. You're welcome.


PS. That is SO NOT Elton John singing on Apologize. Do you know who Elton John is?

Coming Soon

While attempting to explain the plot of Passage to Zarahemla to Tyler:

Jenny: "It's about a present-day girl who finds a time warp in her backyard and falls in love with a Nephite"


Tyler: "Why are Mormons so lame?"

05 October 2007

School Spirit

A few years ago, a group of U of U students were caugt spray-painting the Y red. Well, actually, they were caught developing a roll of film that depicted them painting the Y red. They were each convicted of vandalism and criminal mischief and ordered to pay something like $6000 in restitution to BYU. I had the pleasure of processing one of the final payments, which came through the mail with this little gem:

What a moving testament to the American justice system. At least the guy has some perspective.

01 October 2007

I think I'm a bad influence

Jenny and I are trying to figure out a way to sneak our underage hottie of a roommate Kristi into a concert in a few weeks. I never had a fake ID in high school, or anytime after, so we're having a little trouble getting that off the ground. I feel like there's probably a guy who hangs out at the base of the stairs behind the RB or something, but we're running out of time here.

My new vote is that Kristi walks straight up to the bouncer and says "I'm 21, and so are these"


Some of you may know that the first compact disc I ever purchased with my own money was Boyz II Men's classic II. That afternoon, Brooke and I drove around in Tyler's Acura with the windows down blaring "Thank You" at a volume that left neighborhood children teaching each other sign language. At one point, we drove past Niel Amos' house while he was outside washing his car and I remember thinking that now he would know how cool I was. Years later, I realize that after that incident, Niel knew exactly how cool I was.

29 September 2007

The time Edvard Munch threw up on my face

My friend Ashley from work moonlights as a facepainter. When Barnes & Noble threw the Harry Potter VII Release Party earlier this summer, they hired her special. The line to have Ashley paint your face was literally 45 minutes long, which was cool because it gave the eleven-year-old hermiones time to decide if they wanted a phoenix feather or a snitch.
I was feeling the Harry Potter spirit that night and thought the best way to express my excitement would be through face art, but unfortunately after about a half an hour, the bastards at B&N shut the party down in preparation for actually bringing out the book.
A few weeks later, my friend Keri from work threw a Blades of Glory party. Do you see where I'm going with this? Since none of us actually had the ice-skating costumes we pretended to, we had to settle for reproducing Jimmy Mackelroy's peacock-inspired face paint. I know, you all wish you'd been invited.
Anyway, I made the mistake of telling Ashley to "surprise me." I have to admit, I was a little suspicious when (a) I could feel that her masterpiece was covering far more of my face than the tasteful fairy-swirls Keri had painted next to her eye, and (b) it took her over a half an hour. Anyway, I think it's pretty clear the girl has talent.
So, roommates, that's the true story of how I got The Scream painted on my face.