28 November 2008

Christmas Movies: A Treatise

I've been sick for almost five days now, and this afternoon is the first time I've had the energy to even turn on my laptop. It has been a dark week. In an attempt to soften the blow of a Thanksgiving week illness, I've been watching as many Christmas movies as possible. Jenny and I have lots of Christmas movies. LOTS. But at the end of a week, my options were running low. This is where ABC Family comes in. Some of you may be familiar with the network's traditional 25 Days of Christmas movies. But since we're not quite there yet, they've been playing horrible made-for-tv, mentions-Christmas-at-least-once-so-we-can-sell-it-as-a-holiday-movie nonsense. (I'm looking at you, Christmas in Boston). This got me thinking about the hierarchy of Christmas movies.

The only "poster" I could find of Christmas in Boston

1. The Classics. Everyone has to love these. It's Christmas requirement. Try telling someone you can't stand White Christmas or think It's a Wonderful Life is overrated. Doesn't go over well.

2. Family Christmas Movies that you're Tempted to Watch Year-Round (and if you're a Willardson you do.) Home Alone (1 and 2--there are no others), The Santa Clause, Christmas Vacation, Muppet Christmas Carol (does anyone have the soundtrack for this? I'm serious.), Miracle on 34th Street (the 1994 version. The original belongs above), etc. These are respectable. No one can make fun of you for watching these, at least between Thanksgiving and New Years. The rest of the year, no Willardson will make fun of you. Well, maybe Wendy.

(Bonus points if you know what parts Dr. Cameron and Deputy National Security Advisor Kate Harper play in this movie.)

3. Regular Movies with a Christmas Element. My favorite movie falls in this category: Meet Me in St. Louis. Since the movie takes you through a year in the life of the Smith family, and only 20 minutes or so take place at Christmas-time, this isn't technically a Christmas movie. The fact that Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas was written for this movie lends it some credibility, but there's not so much as a Christmas tree or snowflake on the cover. Still, my family watches this one every year, and it feels distinctly Christmas-y to me. Other good ones that fall in this category are all the Harry Potters, The Family Stone, and While You Were Sleeping. Anything that takes place at Christmas or shows Christmas in more than a passage-of-time montage will do.


4. Too Cheesy Family Christmas Movies that Pass Only at Christmas. These are Christmas movies that you still watch every year, but only when you run out of the good stuff. I'm talking about Christmas with the Kranks, Jingle all the Way, Deck the Halls, etc. Maybe they're in this category only because they haven't been around long enough to become classics (not to be confused with Classics). Only time will tell.

5. Waaaay Too Cheesy Movies that have No Other Redeemable Quality Other than they Take Place at Christmas. You watch them only once. Ever. And even then you regret it. If you're smart you stop watching thirty minutes in and know that the guy and girl get together under the mistletoe, the workaholic re-prioritizes and gets home in time to spend Christmas with his family, or (fill in member of Santa's family and/or workshop) helps sick or injured Santa pull everything together in time to get all the toys made for the big day. Unfortunately, this is the category I've been hitting hard this week. Movies I recommend you never watch: the aforementioned Christmas in Boston, Three Days, Christmas Do-Over, Santa Baby (who knew Jenny McCarthy as Santa's daughter would be such a dud?). Movies that are overly cheesy but still moderately enjoyable: Holiday in Handcuffs, Snowglobe, Christmas Caper (can't resist that Shannen Doherty).

In conclusion, Christmas movies are an important part of life, or at least December. I can only watch A Muppet Christmas Carol so many times. (It's not true. I could watch it every day) What Christmas movies are out there that I'm not watching? The Carrascos have turned me on to Mrs. Santa Claus with Angela Lansbury and Eloise at Christmas with Julie Andrews. Both are excellent. What are your favorite Christmas movies?

17 comments:

Becoming Supersonic said...

I saw no mention of While You Were Sleeping! These mashed potatoes are so creamy!...all the great ones were tall.

Becoming Supersonic said...

I take it back, clearly I was skimming over the end, apologies.

Unknown said...

oh man...K i've seen ALL those bad ABC family movies and only one did i actually turn off. i think part of it is i'm so desperate to get more movies under the "Too Cheesy Family Christmas Movies that Pass Only at Christmas"

Eloise is actually one of my faves along with the Grinch (ron howard version) I'll also pretty much do anything for HA1/2. Another movie you might consider watching is Prancer...my mom bought that on vhs WAY back in the day and as i recall...it was pretty bad...but a christmas movie none the less.

also...how could you watch all of Christmas in Handcuffs...didnt it just KILL you?! I could get through Santa Baby, the dog sled postman is way hot, but mario lopez makes me wanna die alittle bit inside. If she had kidnapped zack morris i know i would have watched all of it.

I'm so sorry you're horribly ill...you were missed at Thanksgiving! Take care of yourself!

Mackenzie said...

how could you have forgotten about ELF? come on now, that is will be a classic for sure, the best is when he gets hit by the taxi

banananutmeg said...

Elf is a favorite at our house, and the cartoon version of the Grinch (don't bother bringing the Jim Carey version around, it won't be watched). And I also really liked The Holiday...which is a quasi holiday film...but there is snow, so it still counts. You also can't beat the Santa costumes in Mean Girls.

Paige said...

I love those old claymation movies - Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. And Home Alones 1 and 2.

jenny said...

Wow Amazing blog. I'm so proud of you. Proud indeed.

laurie said...

Definitely, Elf!

Kate and Robbie said...

Highly respected blog entry, and one not to be overlooked. I too, when my lover boy was gone, had an extreme need for Christmas shows. I would like to add a few more to the only watch if desperate...25 Days of Dogs (has Molly Shannon in it, but was horrible), Ernest saves Christmas (I believe Chase and Collin love this still), Many shows on Fa-la-la-la lifetime channel Christmas shows...some are ok.

One newer favorite is the Holiday.

mdogwillypants said...

I've been watching Home Alone 2 for the past... 3 or 4 months every Sunday. It's the best one, and I could, and will, watch it in the summertime. I also listen to Christmas music year-round. No joke. I love Christmas sooooooo much, and I can't get enough Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ww said...

Maybe that's because I'm a Wagoner.

Grinch, Rudolph, Frosty the S-man, and Ryan loves The Polar Express. I have to admit, the latter does set in hot choc-o-late cravings. For real.

And I'd never considered St. Louis to be Christmas, but I accept your argument. Remember that time we humiliated Jeff in the model home shuttle with our "Clang, clang, clang" rendition?

ashley said...

I think You've Got Mail is one of those non-Christmas, but takes place during the holidays movies. So is Holiday Inn, but since the song White Christmas actually came from that movie, I consider it a Christmas movie. It's my fave.

bradget said...

The Young's love Christmas Vacation... probably because it makes our family feel normal.

Brad and I watched The Holiday the other night and I actually really like that movie, I think Jude Law makes up for Cameron Diaz (she really is a terrible actress).

ww said...

Charlie Brown and Scrooged.

chickadee3357 said...

Is it bad that I have never fully watched a Christmas Story and that I dislike it thoroughly? Its just too creepy for me. I love Elf and I just watched This Christmas, which I really liked.

bradget said...

This is Brad. I'm a little disappointed that you didn't mention A Christmas Story but agree to let it slide knowing that there are so many amazing Christmas movies they can't all be listed. Secondly, Bridget, one of your best friends, does not like Its a Wonderful Life. I was a little disgusted to learn that last week. You should definately call her and give her grief over it.

Tod said...

You forgot to include Elf, Will Ferrell's best movie BY FAR.