One year later

This is the mugshot of the man who took out my appendix, almost one year ago. Yesterday he was brought into my court on charges of exchanging prescription drugs for sexual favors. And that's really all I can say about that without becoming physically ill.

Til Death Do Us Part

I had a voicemail the other day from a man who wanted me to "pull" his divorce file so the judge wouldn't sign it. Apparently he and his wife have reconciled. I called him back to explain that, while I'd be happy to hold on to his file for a few days, we need something in writing that formally dismisses the case.

"Oh. I gotta fill out a form?"

"Yes, we need something to put in the file."

....thoughtful grunt...

"We have a generic Motion and Order of Dismissal on our website. It's free, you just download it and fill in the blanks"

...more grunting...."Ne'ermind"

Breaking News

Jeff Johnson blogged!!

My New Favorite Thing

Meet Jamie Oliver. He. Is. Awesome. Tonight Adam and I watched the first episode of his new Food Network series, Jamie At Home. Again, let me say, he is AWESOME. Reasons to watch Jaime At home:

*He's like the Macgyver of food. He smoked salmon in an old cookie tin! And I don't even like salmon!

*He uses vegetables and herbs grown in his own backyard. Pretty cool!

*His delightful British accent. Love it! When he smoked his salmon, he said "Please work, or I'll look like a plonker!"

I don't want to oversell this, but BEST SHOW EVER.

Post-show, I was doing a little blogsearch (blog research) and grew to love Mr. Oliver even more. Jamie Fun Facts:

*Jamie's first cooking show in Britain was called The Naked Chef. Scandalous! Don't worry, the title refers to his simple cooking methods, there was no cooking in the buff.

*In 2005, Jamie did a documentary series called Jamie's School Dinners in which he took over the kitchen of a school in Greenwich for a year to showcase the pathetic state of British school lunch programs.

*Bill Clinton once dined at Jamie's restaurant Fifteen in London. When he asked to speak to the chef, Jamie refused because Bill brought twice as many guests as his reservation allowed for, half of whom were on South Beach Diet and refused to eat Jamie's meal.

(The anti-Clinton stance should get even mom excited!)

Sweet Dreams, Courtesy of Freddy Kreuger

When I was in Texas last weekend, I helped Brooke sort through the piles of crap that have accumulated in her house since Dave moved in. As a result, I got to take a shopping spree through her many many closets. One of my favorite finds was, I'm a little ashamed to admit, a sound machine she got as a gift from IBM. I've secretly wanted one since taking a nap with my nephew in Carmel to the soothing tunes of a tropical thunderstorm. It was the best 45 minutes of sleep I've had in years.

Tonight, I plugged in the machine and took it for a spin, flipping between jungle sounds, ocean, babbling brook, rainstorm, and ... heartbeat...? Seriously? What kind of sick freak wants to doze off to a thudding, and seriously irregular for that matter, heartbeat? I had to turn it off after about 30 seconds, it was like sleeping in an Edgar Allan Poe story. Really, can you think of anything creepier to fall asleep to?

Christmas Link Theft '07

Merry Linksmas, courtesy of other people's internet finds! I didn't find one of these links myself, but they're great fun.

B sides for Christmas 2007. Someone's clever countdown to Christmas using really crappy Christmas songs and cheeky commentary. Love it!

B sides for Christmas 2006. Same deal, last year. I highly recommend last year's December 18th selection.

Christmas Medley from Indiana University men's a capella group. Cheesy as anything I've ever seen, but truly delightful. Be patient, the best part hits at about 1:50.

Free Rice. Each time you correctly identify a word's synonym, the site & United Nations donate 20 grains of rice to help fight world hunger. Okay, not directly Christmas-related, but nothing says holiday like a good cause and vocabulary expansion!

Families... Those are the best

No offense to any of you who aren't in it, but my family is the best family ever. I took a quick trip down to Texas this weekend to celebrate Brooke's birthday (I also would have gone to celebrate fall or Tuesday, if you're wondering, as one of Plano's greatest qualities is that it's not Provo). A few observations from this weekend:

My family will find any reason at all to eat out. I've been here since Thursday morning and have not eaten one home-cooked meal. Side note, Tupinamba's has the fastest service of any restaurant in the world. Maybe they can just sense Willardsons when we pull in to the parking lot, but the speed at which our food is ready is almost disconcerting.

Matt, like Jenny before him, has used sophomore year to make the leap into being funny. Tonight I asked him what he thinks he'll major in at school, and he said "Awesomeness. That way I'm sure to get an A." He's also officially taller than me.

I cannot WAIT for Tyler to move to Utah. On Thursday I told him some story about Jenny being Jenny, to which he replied "We need to cancel her subscription to Sassy Magazine." We also had a great time poking fun at a certain pregnant woman who likes to remind people she's pregnant by asking completely irrelevant questions like, Is it okay for pregnant women to eat pepperoni? Tyler's best: Is it okay for pregnant ladies to make right turns?

All in all, a fantastic weekend, and it helped cure me of the Bummed to Be Away From Home at Christmas blues. I guess I can handle Christmas in the O.C.