SOUNDS PURPLE TO ME

Alice Lane Giveaway

2010-03-28T21:19:00.002-06:00

Jenny and I have a new obsession. Check out the Alice Lane blog giveaway and enter asap! Or, if you feel like getting some karma points, just cross your fingers that I'll win.

Hee

2009-08-07T20:54:00.002-06:00

Nate: I feel like rolos and orange slices.

Ty: Ugh. That is the grossest combination. Are you pregnant?

Cutest children ever?

2009-07-27T13:09:00.006-06:00

so you think you can dance dance dance dance...

2009-06-16T18:25:00.004-06:00

It's that time of year, everybody. So Can Dance has once again sparked the fire in my heart, filling me with such love that I can't help but blog about it. LOVE. I know this post is about a week late, as one couple has already bitten the dance floor dust. I, like Bridget, only learn these people's names like halfway through the season, so for now we're dealing in nicknames. Twenty, to be exact. Drumroll, please:

Fro Pick. Otherwise known as Ade. Homeboy was legitimately wearing a comb in his fro for rehearsals last week, and had a mild panic when it fell out. I don't think that I can support this. It fees forced. Dance-wise, he's pretty good. I know nothing of his personality yet, though, other than the aforementioned fro pick. Don't try so hard, Fro Pick. I might like you.

Ashley. Okay, seriously guys, I could not come up with a name for Ashley. She's the one person whose name I can remember, so I'm not going to force it. I started liking her the episode when they picked the top 20, when she wore that cute red dress that reminded me of the lavender one Jody Sawyer wears to tell Jonathan that she doesn't want to spend her best dancing years in the back of a core waving a rose back and forth. Anyway, Ashley tried to take a minute to prepare herself in the hallway before she turned the corner to face the cameraman, only to discover that the cameraman had moved up and could already see her. It was such a humble, normal person thing to do, and she had a really cute reaction to finding out that the cameraman was already there. I think she's adorable, and a good little dancer to boot. The more I watch that crash test dummy routine, the more I think it was totally awesome. Wow, evidently I feel a lot more strongly about little Ashley here than Fro Pick.

PMK (Poor Man's Katee), honorable mention: Cool Asian (would this post be complete without a Mean Girls reference?), otherwise known as Asuka. Oh, PMK. I just can't get myself to like you. You, like Fro Pick up there, just seem to be trying too hard, and I'm not picking up what you're throwing down. Alas, there is hope. I didn't like Katee going into last season, because she was such a drama queen when it got down to her and Natalie, and she was such a bad friend to Natalie at the end there (this is a whole separate post, don't get me started). You just need your own "No Air" dance to turn me around. Good luck.

Carlton (aka Brandon). Go Carlton, Go Carlton, Go! Go! Go! Go, Carlton! He is the spitting image, both physically and personalitally, of the preppy cousin of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, except with better dance moves. I have to say, Carlton, I kind of dig you. I don't love you as much as Mary does, obv, but my underdog reflex kicked in when Mia and Lil C were sacrificing you on their altar of dance. You seem a little dim, or socially awkward, or maybe both, but you can daynce.
Ruby (Caitlin irl). Here's the thing. I don't think I mind Ruby here, other than her apparent fondness of long-sleeved grey sportsbras and matching biker shorts. She doesn't seem like that great a dancer, I thought she looked overwhelmingly amateur next to Jason on last week's Bollywood routine. But I was pretty ambivalent until I realized who she reminds me of. RUBY. Noel's Ruby. Noel's Ruby who implausibly stars in a Tom Cruise movie and subsequently breaks Noel's heart, but then Noel still totally pines after her even though it's totally obvious he's just using her as a stand-in for Felicity. I really hate Ruby, guys. More than Julie Emerick. Okay, probably not more. Anyway, I'm afraid poor Caitlin doesn't stand a chance now, what with the long-sleeved sports bras and lukewarm dancing and looking like Ruby. Sorry, honey.

Broadway!! Aka Evan. I love me some Broadway. I think he's adorable. I have nothing bad to say about you. Keep trying to make suspenders happen, buddy. They're totally going to happen.
Jaslene/Maria Viramontes. (Jeanette). She pretty clearly looks like Jaslene, the fierce winner of ANTM season 26. Maria Viramontes, however, needs a little explanation. Our Freshman year there was a girl on our floor that never ever had an accent on ANY WORDS, except her last name. Even "Maria" she said totally Americanized, but then her last name was "Vida-mohn-ltes." It's hard to spell. I have to say out loud to you. Anyway, Jeanette here seems to suffer from the same selective accent. Dance-wise, eh. She seems to think she's more talented, cuter, and more endearing than I think she is. I don't know, guys. Just meh.
John Tucker (Jason). Purely on looks alone, though, because he seems like a nice guy and not John Tucker-y at all. Jenny calls him Aladdin because he looked so awesome (and danced so splendidly, I might add) in the Bollywood routine. I could not get over how perfect that routine was for his style. He was so precise and powerful, I thought he danced the harem pants right off of his partner Ruby.
Mean Girls/OC (Jeanine--ps, sure producers, like we're supposed to keep jeanine and jeanette straight?) because she looks like a cross between Janice Ian and Buzzkill Sadie, who dated Ryan Atwood and bored America during the infamous Johnny Era. I quite like Mean Girls/OC, I think she's spunky, and she did a great job on the Tabitha/Napoleon/Neyo routine. I think you're my favorite girl. But that's not really saying much.
Archuleta (Jonathan). Oh brother. Archuleta drives me crazy. Firstly, this is promo photo is a high school graduation GlamorShot gone horribly wrong. His legs flail about as if independent of his body, and he seemed way too into that ridiculous white mesh shirt they had him in last week. Anyway, if I didn't know any better I'd think that "Jonathan" here is really Future David Archuleta who became dissatisfied with his singing career and decided to time-travel back to before it all unraveled and pursued his other passion: salsa dancing in transparent open-chested blouses. I didn't even like Tony, but Archuleta should totally have been the one to go last week.
Laker Girl (Karla). Laker Girl is so mediocre that I can't even remember what dance she was in last week. Anyone? Anyway, she wasn't an actual Laker Girl (at least not that she's publicized, which is probably a smart move on her part), but she seems like she would be. Or will be in about four years after coming in eighteenth on season five of So You Think You Can Dance.
Bad Hair/Bon Losee/Playmate/Planoette (Kayla). UGH. I cannot say enough bad things about Bad Hair. While taking notes for the nickname blog, I actually wrote down "The Worst." There was a moment last week when I literally rewound and paused so Jenny and Rebecca would soak in how hideously blunt and choppy her bleached-white layers are. She would look better bald. Hair aside, as Jenny so aptly said, she reminds me of every drill team girl I went to high school with. Anyway, Bad Hair is the opposite of Carlton, in that I don't think she's as good as the judges are trying to convince me she is. Sure, she's got moves, but I find her so annoying and arrogant that it just doesn't do it for me. Plus, I realize they probably don't choose their outfits for photoshoots, but girlfriend couldn't have vetoed the red velour bra and BUTTERFLY CHOKER?
Five-O (Kupono). I think I like Kupono, but I'm not totally sold yet. So far he just reminds me of my beloved Mark and then I get all misty-eyed and nostalgic for last season. I do like his partner a lot, and I thought he did a great job with the crash test dummy character last week, so I'm sure I'll end up liking him.Zoolander (Maksim). Pretty self-explanatory. He's giving me Blue Steel at all times. I don't remember much about him other than he's Russian or something, I was too busy zooming in on Bad Hair's bad hair.
Maureen/Old (Melissa). UGH, Melissa. Honey, I don't care what Adam Shankman says, there are A LOT of things better than a naughty ballerina. Stop trying to make it happen. Every time you bite your stupid finger "seductively" I just want to jam it in your eye. And while we're at it, let's 86 the tutus. We get it, you're a ballerina. Anyway, since she seems to have the best technique in the school, just ask her, I call her Maureen. Though I doubt she'll redeem herself in the end by letting Eva Rodriguez dance the lead in Jonathan's ballet. What, you thought we were going to get through this with only one Center Stage reference? You're just lucky I didn't make any Maksim/Sergei comparisons.
Brooklyn (Paris). Because she looks like the annoying preachy Vanessa on that show I don't ever watch anymore. I kind of liked you, Brooklyn. I thought you totally out hip-hopped Tony, who was supposedly a hip hopper. Laker Girl should totally have gone instead of you. In fact, I would have loved to see Tony and PMK go, and then you'd be paired with Vitolio (whose nickname I would have put here, but we haven't gotten to him yet). Sigh. XOXO, V.

Chbeeb (Philip). Okay, so a last name probably doesn't count as a nickname, but that's what we call him. I just don't get all the hype with Chbeeb. Sure, he can wiggle his arms like Gilderoy Lockhart just dissolved his bones, but I happen to think that gets pretty old after the first eighty-six times. However, I like Chbeeb and Mean Girls/OC as a couple, and I loved the Ne-Yo routine last week. He seems like kind of a tool, but we'll see where we get.

EFY (Randi). So, Randi's from Orem, y'all, which is where I just bought a house. She's really cute and little, and pretty darn Utah, but thankfully she doesn't seem to have the accent. I don't know for sure, I haven't heard her say 'mountain' yet. We also call her Unitard, Orem, Married, and David John Hall. Anyway, I like her. I love her with Broadway, I thought they did great last week, and it was sort of adorable that they were both nervous to dance about looooove with her having a husband and all. I also loved that she took the Mia Michaels unitard comments so gracefully and humorously. Well played, Unitard.
Briefcase (Tony), because he danced (if you can call it that) with that stupid briefcase holding a picture of Nigel during Vegas week. Briefcase started to annoy me early on, because he seemed pretty too cool for school at that point, but did a total 180 and sobbed on stage after the Mia Michaels choreography round. In the course of one episode. While I thought it was really amusing to see someone so cocky get the rug pulled out from under him so swiftly, he seemed to have reverted to his arrogant ways come last week. Cockiness is even more annoying in someone who's not particularly talented, so Briefcase definitely rubs me the wrong way. Not that it matters anymore. Peace out, briefcase!

Mistah Eko (Vitolio). Because his accent melts like butter on a hot muffin, much like the former drug-dealer-turned-priest on Lost. I'm a little nervous for Eko, because his personality isn't coming through yet and I don't so much like his partner. I feel like she's competing with him for attention instead of working with him to get attention for both of them, or something. Anyway, I hope she goes and he ends up with someone taller and spunkier, because Mistah Eko's got potential.

So there you have it, folks. And by folks I mean, like Jenny and Bridget and Ashley. Those who don't watch (or obsess over) this show probably bowed out long ago. And now I'm going to go read Bridget's nickname post which I purposely did not read until posting this...

Youngbergs (well, soon to be Youngbergs) in the HOUSE!

2009-05-05T19:31:00.008-06:00

Literally. Our offer has been accepted! Which means in twenty-three days, we'll own a house. CRAZY. Since Adam's parents are the only ones who've actually seen the place, I thought I'd post a few pictures of my favorite features of the house. Drumroll please!

Front door
Backyard
Kitchen (Somehow I don't have a great angle of the kitchen, though the fridge being pulled out from the wall doesn't help)

Living room fireplace

Living room being admired by Adam's parents

Closeup of my very favorite part of the house, what I like to call the Library Nook. I have a loooot of books, but I definitely can't fill all those shelves yet. Mom, I'm looking at you. Hint, hint.

Summertime, and the Livin's Freaking Hot

2009-04-22T22:02:00.002-06:00

Greetings from Death Valley, recently relocated to the back bedroom of Timpanogos Gateway apartment 309! I borrowed an area thermometer from a woman at work today. 89 degrees in my bedroom. And friends, it was only 67 outside today. I live in fear of the days when the outside temperature will surpass 100. My limited recollection of ratios tells me that when this happens my room will be 132 degrees. I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that I could DIE OF HEATSTROKE IN MY OWN BEDROOM. This will not do. The way I see it, these are my options:

1. Start using the air conditioner. What's that? It's only April 22 and it snowed less than a week ago? TELL IT TO THE BOILER ROOM.

2. Make Adam buy a house TOMORROW, and move into it the day after that. I will gladly cede this territory to the Technology in favor of accommodations where paying for air conditioning actually means a decrease in temperature.

3. Replace the doorknob to Jenny's bedroom, and lock myself in her room every night before she gets home.

4. Buy a waterbed and fill it with ice cubes. This was actually the idea I thought of first. Which should give you some idea of what happens to the human brain when it is boiled alive.

Update

2009-04-21T23:38:00.003-06:00

Since I haven't blogged in around two months, and since Adam is threatening to cut off all contact with me unless I blog (and Rebecca blogs -- thanks, sister), I thought I'd go out on a limb and write one of those "posts" that seem to be all the rage these days. Bear with me, I may have forgotten how to do this.

*It is roughly 1,000 degrees in my bedroom, thanks less to the beautiful 65 degree temperature outside and more to the 8,000 gigabytes of server storage humming away in my closet. In winter it was wonderful to wake up and huddle in my fifteen-degrees-warmer closet as I picked out my clothes for the day. Now I can't stand being in this room for more than ten consecutive minutes. But seriously, I think if I measured the temperature in here, it would easily be 85. We are not smiles times. (shout out to josh's slimy agent on 30 rock. now say five ways i'm better than you!)

*I'm on my way back to blonde, and I'm not too happy about it. Sigh.

*I am getting married in five months and eighteen days. Woooo!

*Adam gets home in four months and six days. Double wooooo!

*Adam and I are attempting to buy a house that we can live in while he finishes school (quadruple woooo x infinity, even if it means living in Provo a while longer, wooooOOO!!!) It feels a little strange house-hunting without Adam here, sort of like I'm picking out a house for him to buy me and he's just the wealthy benefactor. But it's still really fun. We have a realtor and everything. Grown-up alert! It reminds me of Freshman year when Ash, Bridget and went out with a realtor to see if we could find a place for Ashley's parents to buy, and how we had no idea what we were doing. I pretty much still feel like that.

This leads me to one observation that, no matter how much I think about it, still baffles me: the unfinished basement. Most houses in Utah have basements, and probably 90% of the ones I've seen fall somewhere on the scale of what one would call still showing insulation and floored with cement. So the stats on the house will say "Total square feet: 2,979; finished square feet: 1,532." Huh. So, basically, I'm buying an apartment with a really huge storage room? You're telling me the house has four bedrooms and three baths, but I have to finish three of those bedrooms and two baths myself? No deal. Why would I want a house that's only halfway done? Anyway, no matter how many ways I go about it, I don't see the logic behind selling a half-done house. It just seems lazy.

*I just noticed there's a new tab on the blogger console labeled "Monetize." I am intrigued. Is that a real word?

Gone to California in My Mind

2009-02-12T15:45:00.000-07:00

Wendy: Ry, guess who's coming to visit us tomorrow?!
Ryan: Aunt K and Aunt Jenny!
Wendy: How did you know?
Ryan: serious look, "Because I love them forever."

Memories, part II

2008-12-15T12:05:00.003-07:00

Remember this post about freshman year memories? I alluded to the picture that accompanied the Christmas letter that Bridget, Ashley, Sage and I came up with. Somehow Ashley's mom unearthed that picture and posted it for the whole world to see on Facebook. And now, since I believe the only way to move on from embarrassing mistakes is to confront and laugh at them, I submit to you this, my ghost of Christmas past:

This week, 2, Kristin, 0

2008-12-10T21:22:00.006-07:00

Today was my first Relief Society book club meeting. You may remember this book club from my post about how 33 people signed up. I got off of work at 12:00 today, and for once I made good use of my flex day. I spent the majority of the afternoon cleaning the apartment and baking delicious treats in anticipation of book club:
Chocolate white-chocolate chunk cookies, peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate mint chip cookies, and gingersnaps. All homemade, from scratch.

This is the apartment before book club:

And this is the apartment during book club:

That's right. After 33 people signing up, and making announcements every week in Relief Society, and sending reminder emails, and spending five hours baking, not a single person came. Does anyone want four dozen cookies?

Merry Christmas, Dirtbag

2008-12-09T08:24:00.003-07:00

Dear Whoever Broke Into My Car Last Night,

I hope you enjoyed "Christmas shopping" in the Timp Gateway parking lot. Whoever had a GPS on their list will be so happy come Christmas morning.

I hope to see you in court someday,
Kristin

Thoughts

2008-12-07T16:11:00.002-07:00

I know it's a holiday classic, but is anyone else sort of creeped out by Baby it's Cold Outside? Take a minute to really listen to the lyrics. He's preventing her from contacting her family, keeping her away from the neighbors, and possibly slipping her a roofie (hey, what's in this drink?) Any song that contains the lyric "if you caught pneumonia and died" doesn't scream Christmas to me. I can just picture some serial killer lip-synching this song to his handcuffed victim by the eerie light of a Christmas tree.

Christmas Movies: A Treatise

2008-11-28T17:25:00.009-07:00

I've been sick for almost five days now, and this afternoon is the first time I've had the energy to even turn on my laptop. It has been a dark week. In an attempt to soften the blow of a Thanksgiving week illness, I've been watching as many Christmas movies as possible. Jenny and I have lots of Christmas movies. LOTS. But at the end of a week, my options were running low. This is where ABC Family comes in. Some of you may be familiar with the network's traditional 25 Days of Christmas movies. But since we're not quite there yet, they've been playing horrible made-for-tv, mentions-Christmas-at-least-once-so-we-can-sell-it-as-a-holiday-movie nonsense. (I'm looking at you, Christmas in Boston). This got me thinking about the hierarchy of Christmas movies.

The only "poster" I could find of Christmas in Boston

1. The Classics. Everyone has to love these. It's Christmas requirement. Try telling someone you can't stand White Christmas or think It's a Wonderful Life is overrated. Doesn't go over well.

2. Family Christmas Movies that you're Tempted to Watch Year-Round (and if you're a Willardson you do.) Home Alone (1 and 2--there are no others), The Santa Clause, Christmas Vacation, Muppet Christmas Carol (does anyone have the soundtrack for this? I'm serious.), Miracle on 34th Street (the 1994 version. The original belongs above), etc. These are respectable. No one can make fun of you for watching these, at least between Thanksgiving and New Years. The rest of the year, no Willardson will make fun of you. Well, maybe Wendy.

(Bonus points if you know what parts Dr. Cameron and Deputy National Security Advisor Kate Harper play in this movie.)

3. Regular Movies with a Christmas Element. My favorite movie falls in this category: Meet Me in St. Louis. Since the movie takes you through a year in the life of the Smith family, and only 20 minutes or so take place at Christmas-time, this isn't technically a Christmas movie. The fact that Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas was written for this movie lends it some credibility, but there's not so much as a Christmas tree or snowflake on the cover. Still, my family watches this one every year, and it feels distinctly Christmas-y to me. Other good ones that fall in this category are all the Harry Potters, The Family Stone, and While You Were Sleeping. Anything that takes place at Christmas or shows Christmas in more than a passage-of-time montage will do.

4. Too Cheesy Family Christmas Movies that Pass Only at Christmas. These are Christmas movies that you still watch every year, but only when you run out of the good stuff. I'm talking about Christmas with the Kranks, Jingle all the Way, Deck the Halls, etc. Maybe they're in this category only because they haven't been around long enough to become classics (not to be confused with Classics). Only time will tell.

5. Waaaay Too Cheesy Movies that have No Other Redeemable Quality Other than they Take Place at Christmas. You watch them only once. Ever. And even then you regret it. If you're smart you stop watching thirty minutes in and know that the guy and girl get together under the mistletoe, the workaholic re-prioritizes and gets home in time to spend Christmas with his family, or (fill in member of Santa's family and/or workshop) helps sick or injured Santa pull everything together in time to get all the toys made for the big day. Unfortunately, this is the category I've been hitting hard this week. Movies I recommend you never watch: the aforementioned Christmas in Boston, Three Days, Christmas Do-Over, Santa Baby (who knew Jenny McCarthy as Santa's daughter would be such a dud?). Movies that are overly cheesy but still moderately enjoyable: Holiday in Handcuffs, Snowglobe, Christmas Caper (can't resist that Shannen Doherty).

In conclusion, Christmas movies are an important part of life, or at least December. I can only watch A Muppet Christmas Carol so many times. (It's not true. I could watch it every day) What Christmas movies are out there that I'm not watching? The Carrascos have turned me on to Mrs. Santa Claus with Angela Lansbury and Eloise at Christmas with Julie Andrews. Both are excellent. What are your favorite Christmas movies?

Change

2008-11-19T21:58:00.003-07:00

This picture is a little sassier than I intended, but I'm too tired to take another one and upload it. You get the idea.

Joy

2008-11-10T11:51:00.003-07:00

Yesterday was a chilly, rainy Sunday. THIRTY-THREE (YAY!) people signed up for my Relief Society Enrichment book club that kicks off this month. To celebrate, Jenny, Kristi and I watched Dan in Real Life, Sound of Music, and Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken. We made apple cinnamon pancakes for lunch and taco soup for dinner. It may have been the best day of my life. Or at least November.

Tribute

2008-11-07T09:39:00.004-07:00

Happy Birthday Kristi!

In your honor, I have divorced three couples and sent a drug dealer to prison.

Musings

2008-11-04T20:41:00.003-07:00

*I have literally had the hiccups six different times today, each time for about twenty minutes. That's TWO HOURS of hiccups. I am one hiccup away from ripping out my diaphragm and running over it with my car.

*With all the gigabytes and tv tuners and media centers in this apartment, we can't get a single channel to work. So Jenny, Kristi and I have been crowded around CNN.com hitting "refresh" to keep up with the election coverage. Lame.

*Does anyone else feel that the actual election day is a little anti-climatic? I feel like I should have woken up to the national anthem, driven to work amid frantic pollsters getting out the vote, and walked by at least one person in a red, white and blue Uncle Sam gettup. Maybe it's because almost everyone I know (myself included) voted early this year. Today felt decidedly ordinary. Although I was impressed to see more "I VOTED" stickers than I can remember in years past.

*Seriously, with the hiccups. Can you punch yourself in the stomach?

*This is why I don't blog anymore.

Perspective

2008-11-01T21:28:00.003-06:00

"Listening to Sarah McLachlan makes me feel like I should make life changes"

-Jenny Willardson

Love

2008-10-29T23:35:00.003-06:00

I am in love with these 12 Days of Christmas plates Kristi and I saw while out and about today.

In love.

Choice

2008-10-28T23:12:00.001-06:00

This is how I picture the polls on election day.

Time

2008-10-28T10:53:00.000-06:00

Why yes, I did start listening to Christmas music today.

Link

2008-09-16T22:46:00.003-06:00

Adam is officially in Kuwait. If you're interested in keeping up with the Kuwaitis, or this particular American in Kuwait, you can check out his blog here.

Memories

2008-09-15T21:02:00.014-06:00

Like the corners of my mind. Or my closet. As many of you may know, especially my roommates, I've been cleaning out my closet in an effort to clear space for Adam's Gigabyte Empire. My most recent conquest was memory corner, aka the four boxes of ticket stubs, letters, programs, and random knickknack's I've been collecting since I moved to Provo after graduating high school. More than a few of these items made me laugh out loud, so I put Adam's scanner (in my loving custody for the next 349 days) to good use.

This was a contract Bridget made me sign freshman year after I chickened out at a hair appointment where I was supposed to chop my hair off. I did finally cut my hair, but I don't think I dyed it. We should give this to Bridget's mom and get her opinion on whether or not green marker on the back of my Humanities syllabus would be legally binding.This is the Christmas letter that Bridget, Ashley, Sage and I planned to send to friends and family for the holidays our freshman year. We also staged a photo shoot where we wore all black and draped Christmas lights around us. I don't have any digital copies of these pictures, but maybe Bridge or Ashley can oblige. They are hilarious.

This is a list I wrote in silver pen on black post-it note. Celebrities I thought were dreamy. And here I was hoping to deny eternally that I ever found Matthew McConaughey remotely attractive. I shudder at the thought. #6 is Jaron, of Evan and Jaron. Also, I had to google Brandon Albright and still can't figure out who he is. I really think he was a BYU student who we saw in a concert or musical at BYU and thought was cute. And finally, I can guarantee both Ashley and Bridget know what prompted me to put #9 Justin Timberlake on the list.

This is the invoice I got from TV Guide when Ashley and Sage signed us up for a subscription under the name Ms. Chenandler Bong. If you've ever seen Friends, that one pretty much explains itself.

Here, proof that we were once sweet and thoughtful roommates who left each other notes, and that we were crazy weirdos who had fake names we actually called each other. I was Julia, Bridget was Kennedi (with an i), Ashley was Meg, and Sage was Taylor. I can't remember why we came up with these names. But I do remember that my middle name was Rayne.

This is the crumpled-up remains of a paper we kept on the bathroom door to write down our inside jokes so we could remember them. Unfortunately, six years later, I don't remember what probably 1/3 of them mean. I hope Maria's doin her homework? A refrigerator, I'm so happy? I think Bridget has the other half of this list.

This is a phone message Bridget took for me toward the end of our freshman year. Brooke and I were planning to live in a very cute yellow house south of campus the next year and signed contracts with our potential landlord. She then called back the next day to cancel our contracts because she was getting divorced and wanted the house for herself. Then she called back the next next day and said nevermind, I'm not getting divorced! By this point we realized the landlord was crazy and decided to go in a different direction. I love two things about this post-it. First, that Brooke and I came this close to having a landlord names Pamela Anderson, and second, that Bridget wrote "No Divorce - house is open." It just cracks me up for some reason.

Anyway, those were all freshman year memories, but I think they're pretty universally humorous.

Separation

2008-09-15T20:49:00.004-06:00

Adam left for Kuwait today, which means two things.

1. Lots of this for him

And, 2. lots of this for me:

But without the prom hair and diamond bracelet.

Replay

2008-09-08T20:28:00.049-06:00

I have been a blogcrastinator. It's been a busy summer, and I admit my blogging has suffered both in quantity and quality. But in an effort to make it up to my loyal readers, which may no longer exist, at least the "loyal" part, I present to you Summer Blog Catch Up '08. Or, more accurately, July - August Catch Up '08.

First up, Fourth of July in Sandy with Adam's family. In grand Adam-Kristin tradition, we failed to take even one picture of us together, but did manage to capture about 40 of these fireworks/8th grade field trip to the Science Place shots:

Next up, a little American Idol love with my girls Jen and Jessie:

Where I got to experience the Kristi Lee Cook power stance firsthand. Glad to see Kristi's inexplicable fashion sense carried over to the summer tour.Additionally, it took my poor ears about three days to recover from the deafening roar that greeted David Archuleta. I took video so I could show you all just how ridiculous the screaming was, but you can pretty much get the picture by imagining "Ahhhhhh!!!AHHHHHHHhhhhhHHH!!DAVID!AHHHHHhhhhhILOVEYOUahhhhHHHH" for six straight minutes.

Then came Willardson BalboaFest 2008.

Balboa was a much more eventful trip than my camera's memory card (empty) suggests. It started off with a bang on Monday morning when an unfortunate slip aboard the Western Pride resulted in a broken left hand, as my more observant readers may have deduced from one of my two July posts. Too embarrassed to admit I was seriously injured, I toughed it out and caught seven sand bass with a broken hand. Around Thursday I started losing feeling in my fingertips and finally went to see a doctor who fitted me for a temporary cast. Which made it pretty difficult to wear this on the appropriate finger:Yes, that's right Wendy, Adam and I are engaged. Finally (heavy sarcasm). In all seriousness, though, I'm really happy. PS, this picture doesn't do justice to my gorgeous ring. Turns out it's pretty hard to get a good close-up of a diamond. I gave up after about four tries. You really just have to see it in person.

After California came Hawaii, which was pretty unbelievable. We spent lots of time with family, visited as many beaches as possible along the north shore of O'ahu, and overloaded (wait, not possible) on pina coladas. Mmmm pina coladas. I took so many pictures I think blogger would crash if I tried to upload them all. So here are a few of my faves.

Anyway, it's pretty clear I started out strong on this post and lost steam around Balboa. Uploading 33 Hawaii pictures is probably a cop-out, but at least it's something, right? Here's to more consistent blogging in September!

Packrat

2008-08-04T00:58:00.000-06:00

Dear Stuff,

Why do I have so much of you?

Love,
Kristin

Imitation

2008-07-30T10:17:00.002-06:00

Dear Diet Dr. Pepper,

Either Sonic is trying to pull a fast one on me, or you really do taste exactly like regular Dr. Pepper.

Love,
Kristin

Handicap

2008-07-25T11:17:00.002-06:00

Things you need two hands to do:

Button jeans
Wash your hands
Drive a stick shift
Put on a bra
Type this blog
Put your hair up in a ponytail

If you do any of these things regularly, don't break your hand, even if it's not the one you write with.

Debate

2008-07-15T14:44:00.002-06:00

In high school, I literally wouldn't leave the house unless my hair was freshly washed, dried, and curled. I remember waking up late a couple of times and faking a sore throat so I didn't have to go to school un-coiffed. Heaven forbid Anthony Schiavo see me with messy hair!

Over the years, I've outgrown that habit, often feeling free to go to class under the comforting shield of a baseball hat. I know, I've come a long way. These days, I've started washing my hair only every other day or so, for several reasons. One, it's just too much of a hassle to do my ridiculously thick hair every morning, and I'd rather sleep the extra hour. Two, I feel like I've wasted huge amounts of water in my life washing not-dirty hair. Plus, I've heard it's better for your hair to wash no more than three times a week. Anyway, the new system has worked well for me. I take shorter showers and sleep a little more, and it's meant there are fewer days I go to work with my hair pulled back in a conservative ponytail.

Enter the new X factor: The Biggest Loser. In an effort to secure the $400 pot, I've been hitting the gym every day after work, which makes me feel like I have to wash my hair every day again on account of being sweaty.

I was complaining today about my forced increase in hair-washing frequency and a friend at work said that she doesn't always shampoo after the gym, but for some reason that creeps me out. I like to feel 100% scrubbed off after a visit to 24 Hour Fitness, if only because I don't personally control the level of bacterial growth. (Cue gag reflex at barefooted woman on the stationary bike)

I can't say that I've paid much attention to the rate at which my scalp sweats. My question is this: Do you wash your hair after working out? I just don't know how I feel about it.

And thank you for suffering through this utterly trivial and self-indulgent post, if you've made it this far.

Hygiene

2008-07-14T23:29:00.003-06:00

At the gym tonight, there was a middle-aged woman on the exercise bike in front of me. BAREFOOT.

Timeline

2008-07-14T09:57:00.003-06:00

This is what my next two weeks looks like:

Today: Dinner with Bridge and Jenny (part one of Farewell to Bridget. So sad.)
Tuesday: AMERICAN IDOL TOUR. I'm not ashamed. Holla, David Cook!
Friday: Pack for Balboa '08, Mamma Mia with Bridge
Saturday: Drive to CA with Mom, Dad, and Mattie
Monday: Deep sea fishing with Pops, pedicures and movie with the girls
Tuesday: Wicked in L.A. Holla, Elphaba!
Wednesday: Disneyland. Holla, two Disney trips in one summer!
Thursday: Pageant of the Masters. Still holding out hope that George Sr. and George Michael will be performing Michelangelo's Creation of Adam
Friday: Family Reunion.
Saturday: Something else fun in California
Sunday: Back to Utah, where I'll have to wait three whole weeks until my next vacation: HAWAII.

Let's just say the Willies know how to do summer right.

Inevitable

2008-07-09T12:59:00.003-06:00

One of my favorite things about my job is that I only have to work until noon on Wednesdays. Every week I have such elaborate plans for my Wednesday afternoons. I write to do lists: clean out the hall closet, clean out my bedroom closet, finish laundry, study for the LSAT, blog, catch up on my current events, write thank yous. But then mostly I just end up taking a nap.

Outted

2008-06-24T17:46:00.002-06:00

Jenny, who is home in Texas visiting for a few weeks, texted me this afternoon to let me know that I had been disowned. Apparently, Barack Obama sent me a letter. In Mama Willardson's eyes, this was worse than if I had announced that Alec Baldwin and I were to be married in the fall and that Susan Sarandon would be performing the ceremony.

Mom, I am not secretly campaigning for Obama, nor have I given him any money. I'm not sure how I got on this mailing list. However, I can't in good conscience vote for John McCain. So that means I'll either be riding the Obama train or writing in Jeff Johnson's name. I hope you can still love me.

Say Hello to My New Love

2008-06-18T22:44:00.003-06:00

I don't know how I managed to miss three seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, but I regret every minute of my life I didn't watch this show. I am 100% hooked.

I'm not sure what captivated me so fiercely--maybe it's because I don't have a single rhythmically-inclined muscle in my body. All I know is, I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more SYTYCD (is there a more unwieldy nickname for a television show? I can't think of one). A show so powerful it made me not only like, but PURCHASE this song:

Jenny and I have spent the last three months avoiding this song at all costs. Until last week, I could not respond to this song with anything other than white-hot hate. But 90 seconds with Katee and Josh melted this cold, cold heart. Tonight, I bought another song featured on SYTYCD, a catchy 80s-pop throwback by the Veronicas which Jenny said makes her "want to run in place." In a good way.

Now every Wednesday night we find ourselves saying things like "Mandy Moore's choreography was a lot stronger on the contemporary dance" and "I'm bummed Napoleon and Tabitha didn't choreograph anything for this week" and "Look at her lines!" We laugh, get chills, make fun of Mary Murphy's outrageous commentary, and cry (I'm not even ashamed). I defy you to watch Twitch and Kherrington dance the Viennese Waltz, inspired by their choreographer's handicapped daughter, with dry eyes. Jean-Marc dans la maison!

If These Clerks Could Talk

2008-06-17T15:33:00.003-06:00

A woman calls in to ask when her husband's next court date is for the domestic violence charge he was picked up on last night.

Woman: You know, it was really inconsiderate of the judge to set his bail so high. I don't have $2,000! Maybe he should think about that when he decides bail.

Me: (incredulous pause...maybe your husband shouldn't beat you)

Take This, Jenny's Disneyland Blog

2008-06-09T19:23:00.050-06:00

As many of you know, I visited sunny California with Adam, Ben and Steve a few weeks ago. I've driven to California, oh, eighteen times since I moved to Utah in 2001, but never with three boys. Needless to say, it was a vastly different experience. Given that Adam was involved, the trip had to be as high-tech as possible, complete with internet in the car, dvd player, GPS, and a radar detector:

GPS was pretty controversial because Adam insisted on using GPS directions for places I already knew how to get to, and I was very bad at listening to what the polite woman on the dashboard instructed me to do. To Adam's credit, though, I was completely sold on GPS by the end of the trip. Directions aside, it tracks your average speed, moving time, and other helpful stats, and you can use it to find the closest anything and then make it tell you how to get there. We used to joke that Tyler and Jeff could find the nearest 7-11 in any city in the world. Well, GPS actually could. And did.

Anyway, the following is a photo journal of those four glorious days. I already want to go back, which is convenient since Bridget and I have a trip planned two weeks from today :)Is there anything more satisfying than the view of Provo fading slowly behind you?

High on the thrill of quitting Best Buy and his first vacation in a year. He hides it well.

Vegas is gross. I will never understand the draw.

Speaking of gross. Literally one of our very first views in Orange County. You're welcome.

Jenny challenged us to beat her "impressive" Disneyland record of fourteen rides set the previous weekend with Maddi and Michon. Anxious to out-do her (and update her on our progress throughout the day through various taunting text and multimedia messages), we left bright and early, making it to the gate about 20 minutes after the park opened. Our secret? Efficient usage of fast-pass distribution. I think I could write a research paper about the sophisticated techniques we employed. A special thanks to Steve, my junior fast-pass analyst.

1. Indiana Jones, round one, 8:40 a.m. I'm really disappointed in the changes they made to the end of the ride. Lame.

2. Jungle Cruise

3. Indiana Jones, part deux

4. Buzz Lightyear (I am lame)

5. Star Tours

6. Big Thunder Mountain. This is my best attempt to intimidate Steve into ceasing his continual candid-shot-taking. It didn't work.
7. Pirates of the Caribbean (woot woot!)

8. Space Mountain
9. Splash Mountain, aka Typhoon Mountain. The woman in front of Ben was wearing a garbage bag and was mumbling the entire time about how she didn't want to get wet. Of course, we got completely soaked, to the point that my cell phone has been glitchy ever since.
10. Autopia

11. Buzz Lightyear again. Steve, who once wrote a statistics paper about the merits of different MarioKart characters, smoked all of us at defeating the evil Zurg.

12. Honey I Shrunk the Audience. After Splash Mountain, I forced Adam to wear my sweatshirt like that in hopes it would dry out before dark.

13. Haunted Mansion
14. Pirates of the Caribbean

Since we had already beaten Jenny and were still completely soaked from Hurricane Mountain, we decided to take a quick afternoon break. We ran home to Wini and George's to change out of our squishy shoes and grab some dinner. The tension as we took this next picture was palpable, with Steve ready to pounce if the kindly 50-year-old man behind the lens took off with his 3-day-old camera.
15. Tiki Room, which we really hyped to Ben as a classic. I don't think he understood. I'm not sure what this random stone shrine is supposed to be, but Steve felt compelled to take a picture in front of it. I think if Brooke and Steve were to go on vacation together, all the cameras in the world would explode. Although it did mean that Adam and I managed to double the number of pictures we have of us together in one weekend.

16. Matterhorn, where the boys all refused to "bunk up" with one another in the awkward two-person tandem seats

17. Big Thunder Mountain

18. Pirates the third. Thanks to Fantasmic, there were about 15 people in line when we got there. Yes, Steve was That Guy who takes pictures inside Pirates of the Caribbean.

19. Haunted Mansion. The ride was literally stopped because there was no one on it.
20. Space Mountain. Not pictured, because Steve and Kristin were racing to use their fastpasses while Ben and Adam kindly saved spots for...

21. Fantasmic!! Which brought tears to my eyes. Definitely my absolute favorite part of the Disneyland experience. I tried to post the surprisingly high-quality 23-minute video Steve took, but gave up after Blogger crashed twice. Brooke, I know you would have watched it. These are my feet resting against the edge of the fence across from Tom Sawyer's Island. Front row seats!

The crowning achievement of Steve's amateur Disney-photography career.

22. Finding Nemo, which I'd never been on and absolutely hated. I thought I was going to die in that tiny submarine. (My expression in this picture reminds me of the face Ryan does when you tell him to smile for the camera)

It was the most successful Disneyland trip in recent memory. The weather was perfect, the lines were short, we did everything we wanted, and were surprisingly cheery and ache-free at the end of the day. This led me to conclude that the secret to all-day happiness at Disneyland is threefold: Dr. Scholl's gel inserts, a fresh pair of socks at midday, and a dose of Advil at 6:00 p.m.

We rounded out the blissful weekend with some quality time with Wini and George, and of course with Wendy, Jeff, and their gorgeous children. Ryan and Audrey somehow manage to become more adorable each time I see them, as evidenced here:

and here:and here.

They were so adorable, in fact, that Wendy and I couldn't resist taking these, which ended up feeling like test shots for our alternative lifestyle Christmas card.

And my personal favorite:

Just call me Rosie O'Donnell.

Subway...Eat Fresh! (But change your clothes after)

2008-06-09T13:26:00.004-06:00

Okay, for all of you who spazzed out over my "i.e. Brooke and Wendy" comment, I apologize. I didn't mean to imply that Brooke and Wendy are my only readers, just that they had commented on my previous post and requested to see pictures. I'm sorry I haven't posted them yet, I just haven't gotten around to uploading my memory card. I'm on it, though!

My question today is this: Why, upon entering a Subway establishment for any period of time, do you come out smelling so bad? Inside Subway, the fresh bread smells delightful. It's almost comforting, all those carbs in the air. But those molecules somehow bond instantly to my hair and clothes and it's all I can smell for the rest of the day. I was thinking about this today, after meeting Jenny and Adam for lunch. I was about to text Jenny and say "I smell like Subway" when I received this text from her "Smell yourself. You smell like Subway."

Then, about five minutes later, I was walking past my friend Jessie at work and she said "Oooh, you smell like Subway!" I think 9 out of 10 people could identify the Subway smell. Why does no other restaurant have a distinctive post-visit smell? Why is it so long-lasting? And, perhaps most troubling, why can I not identify what exactly that smell is? I was trying to figure out how to describe it for this blog, and all I could come up with was Subway. It doesn't smell like bread, or cookies, or anything else they sell at Subway. And now I have to breathe through my mouth for the rest of the day. Why don't they have drive-through Subways?

2008-06-05T08:50:00.002-06:00

Dear readers (i.e. Brooke and Wendy),

Yes, I did take pictures, and yes, I will post them soon.

Love,
Kristin

2008-06-05T08:49:00.001-06:00

Dear woman two cubicles over who listens to a book on tape all day,

If you're going to force the rest of us to listen to that every day, at least have better taste in literature.

Love,
Kristin

This is How it Goes, Baby

2008-05-26T10:39:00.006-06:00

Last week Jenny, Bridget and I ventured up to Salt Lake City (on a weeknight!) for a live show from one of our favorite artists, Missy Higgins. Our cousin-in-law Robbie was there too and was generous enough to (a) invite us to the front of the line, and (b) act as our "sponsor" for the evening, a Utah phenomenon wherein bars and clubs will only let members and their guests in to keep random floozies on the street from drinking. Because of Robbie, we were one of the first in the club and got to stand so close I literally could have unplugged her keyboard or tied her shoe:

I realize these videos are mostly for Jenny and Bridge, but she was so good live, so take a listen! My camera's video function does not do her justice.

Secret (these first two were before the lights came on)

Going North

Ten Days

This is How it Goes, part 1

This is How it Goes, part 2

Nightminds, which she played upon our request (!)

Where I Stood

Warm Whispers

Steer

Death to Word Perfect

2008-05-23T18:20:00.002-06:00

Of all the programs I have ever used, Word Perfect is the absolute worst. (And I've sat in a lotta chairs.) Today was a mandatory "file cleanup" day, which basically means manual labor. Moving files around, rearranging crap, and transferring the oldest files to archives to make room for the new ones. Well, being the organization prodigy that I am, my supervisor requested that I make a map of Local Archives so people can find their way more easily. The morning was spent by myself at archives, rocking out with my portable ipod speakers, drawing said map.

I figured I'd head back to my desk, spend twenty minutes whipping up a quick computerized version of my lovely map, and call it a day. THREE HOURS later, Word Perfect was still refusing to cooperate with simple commands like cut, undo, drag, and bite me. RI (wait for it) DICULOUS. I had finally come up with something I could live with when *ERROR MESSAGE* Welcome to the Document Recovery Wizard! pops up. Recovery what now? Gone. It was just gone. Somehow, inexplicably, even my previous saved drafts were nowhere to be found. Explain that to me, Geek Squad!

After doing a lap around the filing room to keep myself from punching a hole through my monitor, I used Microsoft Paint to come up with this baby: That's right, Word Perfect. You suck more than MICROSOFT PAINT.

I've lost the will to blog

2008-05-08T22:53:00.001-06:00

There's something very wrong with dallasmavericks.com

2008-04-17T11:25:00.001-06:00

Why I love Keri, part II

2008-04-12T12:28:00.010-06:00

You may remember my friend Keri as the district court's resident valepooptorian. This week she struck again with her mind-blowing awesomeness.

Those of you who know me well are familiar with my unnatural phobia of Elijah Wood. I'm sorry, but he's creepy. He doesn't age and he has eerie mesmerizing eyes that make you wonder if you're subconsciously being brainwashed into a cult of some kind. Sure, Lord of the Rings is all good until you find yourself blanking out for chunks of time and performing ritual animal sacrifice.

Anyway, when I first met Keri over a year ago I happened to mention this fear. When I came down from court on Wednesday, I found this:

That's right, she Elijah Wood-ed my cubicle.

Yep, that sounds about right

2008-04-10T23:58:00.001-06:00

Thoughts from the gym

2008-04-03T14:17:00.002-06:00

Is it me, or does the elliptical machine seem less effective when your feet go completely numb twenty minutes in?

Even if I weighed 100 pounds, I would never ever ever exercise in bike shorts and a sports bra. Or gold hoop earrings.

I'm really weirded out when people watch the food network while working out.

Mean Girls + The Office = Miss Guided

2008-03-26T16:01:00.006-06:00

Given the serious lack of anything new on tv and some extra free time on my hands, I decided to waste my time giving Judy Greer's new show a chance. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. Judy Greer is a lot funnier as a leading lady than she was as, say, the bad girl in 13 Going on 30. She also has great hair and a too-cute-to-be-a-guidance-counselor wardrobe. Chris Parnell's self-absorbed and clueless vice principal act is hilarious, even if it is a total rip-off of Michael Scott. He's got great comedic timing. My favorite line comes from him discussing a female student's nose job that regrettably ended up the butt of the school gossip blog's jokes:

"Good for her, plastic surgery is chicken soup for the face. She should know better, though, getting a nose job during the school year. That's the sort of thing you leave for summer vacation. It's like they don't even watch the Hills"

Catch up on Abc.com

(I'm talking to you, Bridget)

Too little too late

2008-03-21T10:05:00.004-06:00

I know I haven't blogged in a while, and this will in no way make up for it. Sorry.

A few random thoughts from today:

Word Perfect is the dumbest, most counter-intuitive, least efficient program ever written.

My bailiff, a Boston Celtics fan, is a big fat jerk. I know they beat Dallas last night, pal. By four points scored in the last ninety seconds. Don't be that guy.

Last night I was offering Jenny a variety of yummy baked goods Bridget gave us. Except Jenny couldn't see the plate with three different kinds of treats and thought I wanted her to eat some Apple-turnover-chocolate-chip-zucchini-bread. I wouldn't have wanted any either.

I never fully appreciated the beauty of March Madness until it was here to distract me from work.

A girl at work today is literally wearing bunny ears. Actually wearing them there on her head. Allllll day.

Did you want a bag fo yo tag?

2008-03-02T21:53:00.006-07:00

Thanks for tagging me, Jenny. Throughout that whole post I was thinking I really hope she tags me. I've never been tagged before! What if she doesn't tag me? If my own sister wont tag me I'll never get tagged. To the point where tag doesn't sound like a word anymore. Here goes:

1) Where I was 10 years ago:

Sophomore at Jasper High School. Which means I was starring in a drama class production of Me and My Gal, marching to "Bolero" with the Jasper Marching Band, and bumming rides off of Kathleen Pearson. I would take the Jenny/Chick-fil-a approach and try to convince you that all of that was cool, but I'd have to convince myself first.

2) 5 things on my “to do list” today (today is over, so I'm going for tomorrow):

*Be on time for work
*Pay the Provo City Utilities bill
*File my taxes
*Finish reading Little Women for Bridget's book club
*Study for the LSAT

(I'm not much cooler ten years later)

3) Things I would do if I became a billionaire:

Go back to school and get about ten more degrees, then a few masters and ph.d's, then law school. Travel, travel, travel. Buy houses in Balboa and London. Pottery Barn shopping spree. Mavs floor tickets for life (we can hang out, Jenny). Oh, buy a dog! Get all the books I want. Hire Sara Bareilles to sing me to sleep every night. Buy the entire Steve Madden inventory and lots of other shoes.
4) 3 Of my Bad Habits:

Zoning out when people are talking, especially at work
Biting my nails
Taking naps

5) 5 places I’ve lived:

Plano, TX

Balboa Island, CA

Provo, UT

London, England

Washington, D.C.

6) 5 Jobs I’ve had:

Volleyball referee

"Research analyst" at Chemical Information Services

Teaching Assistant at BYU

Intern at the Foundation for Middle East Peace

Court clerk at the Fourth District Court

7) Something Most People Don’t Know About Me:

Everyone who reads this knows most things about me. I once accidentally shoplifted a doggie fireman costume from Noah's Ark at Collin Creek Mall. (Don't worry, mom, I took it back)

Tag Bridget, Ashley, Kristi, and other Kristi (so, both Kristis)

Afternoon Email

2008-02-21T15:16:00.002-07:00

I'm not usually one for fart jokes or bathroom humor, but the following email exchange caused me to snort water out my nose this afternoon:

Kristin: OKAY. Someone down here keeps farting. I'm going to vomit. Who farts repeatedly at work? Go to the bathroom.

Keri: Is it old lady farts or something different? If it's old lady it's Cora. I remember THAT very well.

Kristin: I dont know, it's just a fart! It smells like fart. I'm not very good at distinguishing, I haven't been to fart school.

Keri: Remind me sometime to show you my graduation certificate from fart school. I was valepooptorian.

Kristin: Congratulations, I just snorted water out my nose. Valepooptorian. This is why I email you.

Maybe you have to know Keri...

Please enjoy the music while your party is reached

2008-02-14T08:44:00.003-07:00

I know this is supposed to make calling someone a more enjoyable experience. But the thing is, most people have crappy taste in music, and I just end up with a Nickelback song in my head.

Last night...

2008-02-13T14:30:00.004-07:00

Something funny happened, but Jenny wont let me tell you about it.

A Change of Heart

2008-02-10T22:25:00.000-07:00

If I could upload "Dead or Alive" to my blog, I would.

I've been listening to this song lately, and it makes me want to take back every bad thing I ever said about Bon Jovi.

Kids are all right

2008-02-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

This kid is hilarious, and I love his dad trying to keep it together in the background:

And, the reason I will be raising my children across the pond:

I don't know what it means, but I like it

2008-02-07T17:36:00.000-07:00

Go here to find out what Sawyer would call you on The Island.

The Lameness of Truth

2008-02-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

I don't want to say that this show is what's wrong with America today, but THIS SHOW IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH AMERICA TODAY. Adam and his roommates are weirdly obsessed with this show, which means I've been forced to watch it twice. And by watch, I mean read a book on the couch and glare at them. I have an intense hatred of this show. Hatred is not a strong enough word.

There are the obvious issues: greedy shallow people answering personal questions that are designed to be embarrassing and hurtful on national television. I mean, they don't pick the squeaky clean girl next door to be on Moment of Truth, they pick the med student who stole her brother's girlfriend and used to dance topless via webcam for tuition money. That means these people are shameless enough to air out their dirty laundry for money. ON TELEVISION. If you have no respect for yourself, at least have respect for your poor jilted brother!

But that's not even my biggest problem with this show. My chief complaints are twofold:

1. Enough with the pretense. The contestants aren't physically hooked up to the lie detector for the show, which means they completed the actual polygraph portion before taping. The jig is up! Don't pretend to be shocked when the question comes up. Don't take twenty seconds to consider your answer. Don't pause dramatically before revealing whether the answer is true or false.

2. Let's not applaud these people at the end of the show, shall we? At the end of this week's episode, the host apologizes to a failed contestant, saying "What a shame, you're a great guy." To a man who was just revealed to have cheated on his girlfriend and forged credit card receipts as a waiter to receive bigger tips! And who lost the money he had earned by lying about stuffing his jockey shorts as an underwear model!

I have to go rinse my brains out with soap now.

At the end of my rope

2008-02-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

Enough already. I can't take one more day of this! The heater is broken in my office today, and it's so cold I literally just took my gloves out of my purse and put them ON MY FEET. I'm sitting at my desk, glaring angrily out the window where the snow continues to fall. Something has to be done.

The danger of putting your ipod on shuffle at work

2008-02-05T12:32:00.001-07:00

I just walked into my office to find the Judge and Tom staring open-mouthed at my speakers, which were currently rocking out "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You."

The worst part is, that's not even the most embarrassing song on my ipod. I blame the supervisor who came up with the "no headphones at work" policy.

David John for life!

2008-02-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

Kristi and I are out of toilet paper. It made me think of the time freshman year when Bridget, Ashley, Sage and I conducted an experiment to see how long we could go without purchasing toilet paper ourselves, so we would "borrow" a roll from various other dormrooms while people were at class.

Payback

2008-02-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been doing little things to let Winter know it's no longer welcome here. Wearing capri pants, watching baseball movies, singing "Summer Girls" to myself as I scrape the snow off the acura each morning, charting the time of the sunrise and sunset every day in anticipation of the evening it's not dark outside when I leave work.

Today I was giving Winter the finger, driving home from the gym with my sunroof open. As I went to take a sip of my water, Winter decided to show me who's boss, sucking the bottle right out of my hands and through the open window. But not before dumping half of the one-liter bottle on my face. Touche.

While the judge is away...

2008-02-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

The judge either broke or sprained his foot this last week, so he's been out of the office almost every day. My bailiff, who I share an office with, has taken advantage of our judge-less days to start a little prank war.

It began innocently enough with Tom hiding my Harry Potter action figure in the huge plant in our office. While he ran down to the filing room, I unplugged his keyboard and turned the monitor display on his desktop upsidedown (a handy little trick, CTRL ALT Up arrow, flips everything upside-down. CTRL ALT Down to fix. Works on most computers.)

A little later, Deputy Garrett in security called me down to the Control Room. The control room is pretty high-tech, with a wall full of flat screen tvs that connect to the countless video-cameras around the courthouse. Using a 32-inch tv and the parking-lot camera, he zoomed in on my little Acura, with Harry sitting on top up to his neck in snow. Deputy Garrett kindly agreed to de-activate Tom's security badge for me.

That's when things started to get out of control. I came back from lunch to find (well, hear actually) my cell phone ringing in the ceiling. Yesterday he moved my chair into the Judge's private bathroom and put donuts on the ends of my windsheild wiper blades. At Wendy's fantastic suggestion, I sent out an email from Tom's computer to the entire staff:

"Hey everybody, Tom here from Judge McDade's office. I got my hair cut and highlighted last night and it looks great! Come say hello and take a look, office 202." The rest of the afternoon, I kept a straight face as court employee after court employee came to compliment his new 'do. He figured it out at about 4:30 because his lame bailiff friend replied to the email.

But now I'm out of ideas. Heard of any good office pranks?

The downside of working for Geek Squad

2008-01-30T23:00:00.001-07:00

After seeing a clip of Raising Arizona on Scene It! a few weeks ago, we've been wanting to watch it. Jenny and I were in Best Buy the other day and noticed a few copies. I was about to buy it, but chose, wisely I think, to invest in $4.99 copies of Tommy Boy, Feriss Bueller's Day Off, and Win a Date with Tad Hamilton instead.

Tonight Adam told me he wanted to buy it, but their "internal inventory control system" says that Best Buy doesn't even carry the movie. "Huh," I said, "that's weird. Jenny and I saw at least three copies there on Friday."

I wont transcript the next 15 minutes, which involved an extensive discussion about the possibilities of me picking up a different, similarly titled movie, mistaking a different store for Best Buy, or just being crazy. My boyfriend trusts computers more than me.

One year later

2008-01-29T18:59:00.001-07:00

This is the mugshot of the man who took out my appendix, almost one year ago. Yesterday he was brought into my court on charges of exchanging prescription drugs for sexual favors. And that's really all I can say about that without becoming physically ill.

Til Death Do Us Part

2008-01-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

I had a voicemail the other day from a man who wanted me to "pull" his divorce file so the judge wouldn't sign it. Apparently he and his wife have reconciled. I called him back to explain that, while I'd be happy to hold on to his file for a few days, we need something in writing that formally dismisses the case.

"Oh. I gotta fill out a form?"

"Yes, we need something to put in the file."

....thoughtful grunt...

"We have a generic Motion and Order of Dismissal on our website. It's free, you just download it and fill in the blanks"

...more grunting...."Ne'ermind"

Breaking News

2008-01-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

Jeff Johnson blogged!!

My New Favorite Thing

2008-01-07T22:33:00.000-07:00

Meet Jamie Oliver. He. Is. Awesome. Tonight Adam and I watched the first episode of his new Food Network series, Jamie At Home. Again, let me say, he is AWESOME. Reasons to watch Jaime At home:

*He's like the Macgyver of food. He smoked salmon in an old cookie tin! And I don't even like salmon!

*He uses vegetables and herbs grown in his own backyard. Pretty cool!

*His delightful British accent. Love it! When he smoked his salmon, he said "Please work, or I'll look like a plonker!"

I don't want to oversell this, but BEST SHOW EVER.

Post-show, I was doing a little blogsearch (blog research) and grew to love Mr. Oliver even more. Jamie Fun Facts:

*Jamie's first cooking show in Britain was called The Naked Chef. Scandalous! Don't worry, the title refers to his simple cooking methods, there was no cooking in the buff.

*In 2005, Jamie did a documentary series called Jamie's School Dinners in which he took over the kitchen of a school in Greenwich for a year to showcase the pathetic state of British school lunch programs.

*Bill Clinton once dined at Jamie's restaurant Fifteen in London. When he asked to speak to the chef, Jamie refused because Bill brought twice as many guests as his reservation allowed for, half of whom were on South Beach Diet and refused to eat Jamie's meal.

(The anti-Clinton stance should get even mom excited!)

Sweet Dreams, Courtesy of Freddy Kreuger

2007-12-13T00:02:00.000-07:00

When I was in Texas last weekend, I helped Brooke sort through the piles of crap that have accumulated in her house since Dave moved in. As a result, I got to take a shopping spree through her many many closets. One of my favorite finds was, I'm a little ashamed to admit, a sound machine she got as a gift from IBM. I've secretly wanted one since taking a nap with my nephew in Carmel to the soothing tunes of a tropical thunderstorm. It was the best 45 minutes of sleep I've had in years.

Tonight, I plugged in the machine and took it for a spin, flipping between jungle sounds, ocean, babbling brook, rainstorm, and ... heartbeat...? Seriously? What kind of sick freak wants to doze off to a thudding, and seriously irregular for that matter, heartbeat? I had to turn it off after about 30 seconds, it was like sleeping in an Edgar Allan Poe story. Really, can you think of anything creepier to fall asleep to?

Christmas Link Theft '07

2007-12-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

Merry Linksmas, courtesy of other people's internet finds! I didn't find one of these links myself, but they're great fun.

B sides for Christmas 2007. Someone's clever countdown to Christmas using really crappy Christmas songs and cheeky commentary. Love it!

B sides for Christmas 2006. Same deal, last year. I highly recommend last year's December 18th selection.

Christmas Medley from Indiana University men's a capella group. Cheesy as anything I've ever seen, but truly delightful. Be patient, the best part hits at about 1:50.

Free Rice. Each time you correctly identify a word's synonym, the site & United Nations donate 20 grains of rice to help fight world hunger. Okay, not directly Christmas-related, but nothing says holiday like a good cause and vocabulary expansion!

Families... Those are the best

2007-12-08T22:41:00.000-07:00

No offense to any of you who aren't in it, but my family is the best family ever. I took a quick trip down to Texas this weekend to celebrate Brooke's birthday (I also would have gone to celebrate fall or Tuesday, if you're wondering, as one of Plano's greatest qualities is that it's not Provo). A few observations from this weekend:

My family will find any reason at all to eat out. I've been here since Thursday morning and have not eaten one home-cooked meal. Side note, Tupinamba's has the fastest service of any restaurant in the world. Maybe they can just sense Willardsons when we pull in to the parking lot, but the speed at which our food is ready is almost disconcerting.

Matt, like Jenny before him, has used sophomore year to make the leap into being funny. Tonight I asked him what he thinks he'll major in at school, and he said "Awesomeness. That way I'm sure to get an A." He's also officially taller than me.

I cannot WAIT for Tyler to move to Utah. On Thursday I told him some story about Jenny being Jenny, to which he replied "We need to cancel her subscription to Sassy Magazine." We also had a great time poking fun at a certain pregnant woman who likes to remind people she's pregnant by asking completely irrelevant questions like, Is it okay for pregnant women to eat pepperoni? Tyler's best: Is it okay for pregnant ladies to make right turns?

All in all, a fantastic weekend, and it helped cure me of the Bummed to Be Away From Home at Christmas blues. I guess I can handle Christmas in the O.C.

The thing is

2007-11-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

I suck at blogging, guys. Three quasi-posts in November is just shameful. This is why I put my blog out of its misery the first time around.

Random thoughts that don't individually merit an entire blog entry:

Jenny, you need to make it so I can see your old posts. We're all afraid mom is going to read our blogs. Deal with it.

I have absolutely no idea what my partner clerk does all day. Well, did all day. She's out on maternity leave for three months, so I'm currently doing both our jobs, and I'm way better at it alone than when I had a partner. I hope she doesn't come back.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS. If I had $1000 right now, I would literally spend it all on decorations from Gatehouse and every imaginable holiday cd. Even Jewel. I started secretly listening to Christmas music September 17. I wrote it down.

I think my bailiff is racist.

I have no idea what to get Adam for Christmas.

I am so over the Sportsguy.

This blog is really boring.

2007-11-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Brain,

Please remember the awesome blog you were working on the other day.

Love,
Kristin

Happy Happy Birthday Kristi Dear

2007-11-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

I miss you.

Blogger: Permission Denied

2007-11-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

If I'm not cool enough to be invited to my sister's blog, what am I cool enough for?

On the shower scene from Casino Royale

2007-11-04T00:27:00.000-06:00

Me: I just think the finger sucking is weird. She just saw a guy die for the first time. It's probably the wrong moment, James.

Nate: There's never a wrong moment for finger sucking.

2007-10-23T21:47:00.000-06:00

ME: Janae Martin? Two kids. Sierra Stilovich? TWO KIDS. Kristin Willardson?

JENNY: Too cool

Thanks, Jen

A few clips

2007-10-20T11:37:00.000-06:00

Sara's set list went a little something like this:

Morningside:

Bottle it Up:

City:

Love on the Rocks (2 parts):

Love Song:

Many the Miles:

Gravity:

2007-10-20T02:32:00.000-06:00

Dear Sara Bareilles,

I am gonna write you a love song, because you're awesome.

Love,
Kristin

And to All a Good Night

2007-10-20T01:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight Jenny, Kristi, Michon and I went to the Sara Bareilles/Paolo Nutini concert in SLC, and sweet georgia pie, was it kick-a! Luckily, they changed venues at the last minute, so Kristi didn't have to flash anyone to get in. A few highlights:

*The venue was literally a church-by-day, club-by-night, so the lame-os who didn't stand actually sat in pews. PEWS! I said I had a policy never to sit in pews during a show, but Jenny thought I said pubes. I try to stay away from those, too.

*Sara is awesome in general, but even more so from eight feet away:
*Her lead guitarist, Javier, wasn't too shabby either:*Weird, that sort of looks like my BFF Sara Bareilles....Five times.
What? There's a finger in one of them? Still better than your picture with Sara Bareilles, biotch.

*Oh, and Jenny had lots and lots of cheer sex with this guy:

Lots. He was undressing her with his eyes. We told her to invite him to The Pie afterward, but he was more interested in a piece of her pie, if you know what I mean. As Kristi said, you don't play the guitar like that for pizza. Good times!

PS. Somebody tell me how to post video!

2007-10-17T00:15:00.000-06:00

Dear Pumpkin Butt,

You are the enemy of self control. Stop being filled with delicious treats.

Love,
Kristin

Peace out, effers

2007-10-11T12:26:00.000-06:00

Too late to 'pologize

2007-10-07T01:06:00.000-06:00

Dear Jenny,

I bought Timbaland today. You're welcome.

Love,
Kristin

PS. That is SO NOT Elton John singing on Apologize. Do you know who Elton John is?

Coming Soon

2007-10-07T00:50:00.000-06:00

While attempting to explain the plot of Passage to Zarahemla to Tyler:

Jenny: "It's about a present-day girl who finds a time warp in her backyard and falls in love with a Nephite"

(pause)

Tyler: "Why are Mormons so lame?"

School Spirit

2007-10-05T17:45:00.000-06:00

A few years ago, a group of U of U students were caugt spray-painting the Y red. Well, actually, they were caught developing a roll of film that depicted them painting the Y red. They were each convicted of vandalism and criminal mischief and ordered to pay something like $6000 in restitution to BYU. I had the pleasure of processing one of the final payments, which came through the mail with this little gem:

What a moving testament to the American justice system. At least the guy has some perspective.

I think I'm a bad influence

2007-10-01T22:14:00.000-06:00

Jenny and I are trying to figure out a way to sneak our underage hottie of a roommate Kristi into a concert in a few weeks. I never had a fake ID in high school, or anytime after, so we're having a little trouble getting that off the ground. I feel like there's probably a guy who hangs out at the base of the stairs behind the RB or something, but we're running out of time here.

My new vote is that Kristi walks straight up to the bouncer and says "I'm 21, and so are these"

II

2007-10-01T21:16:00.000-06:00

Some of you may know that the first compact disc I ever purchased with my own money was Boyz II Men's classic II. That afternoon, Brooke and I drove around in Tyler's Acura with the windows down blaring "Thank You" at a volume that left neighborhood children teaching each other sign language. At one point, we drove past Niel Amos' house while he was outside washing his car and I remember thinking that now he would know how cool I was. Years later, I realize that after that incident, Niel knew exactly how cool I was.

The time Edvard Munch threw up on my face

2007-09-29T14:36:00.000-06:00

My friend Ashley from work moonlights as a facepainter. When Barnes & Noble threw the Harry Potter VII Release Party earlier this summer, they hired her special. The line to have Ashley paint your face was literally 45 minutes long, which was cool because it gave the eleven-year-old hermiones time to decide if they wanted a phoenix feather or a snitch.

I was feeling the Harry Potter spirit that night and thought the best way to express my excitement would be through face art, but unfortunately after about a half an hour, the bastards at B&N shut the party down in preparation for actually bringing out the book.

A few weeks later, my friend Keri from work threw a Blades of Glory party. Do you see where I'm going with this? Since none of us actually had the ice-skating costumes we pretended to, we had to settle for reproducing Jimmy Mackelroy's peacock-inspired face paint. I know, you all wish you'd been invited.

Anyway, I made the mistake of telling Ashley to "surprise me." I have to admit, I was a little suspicious when (a) I could feel that her masterpiece was covering far more of my face than the tasteful fairy-swirls Keri had painted next to her eye, and (b) it took her over a half an hour. Anyway, I think it's pretty clear the girl has talent.

So, roommates, that's the true story of how I got The Scream painted on my face.