It's that time of year, everybody. So Can Dance has once again sparked the fire in my heart, filling me with such love that I can't help but blog about it. LOVE. I know this post is about a week late, as one couple has already bitten the dance floor dust. I, like Bridget, only learn these people's names like halfway through the season, so for now we're dealing in nicknames. Twenty, to be exact. Drumroll, please:
Fro Pick. Otherwise known as Ade. Homeboy was legitimately wearing a comb in his fro for rehearsals last week, and had a mild panic when it fell out. I don't think that I can support this. It fees forced. Dance-wise, he's pretty good. I know nothing of his personality yet, though, other than the aforementioned fro pick. Don't try so hard, Fro Pick. I might like you.
Ashley. Okay, seriously guys, I could not come up with a name for Ashley. She's the one person whose name I can remember, so I'm not going to force it. I started liking her the episode when they picked the top 20, when she wore that cute red dress that reminded me of the lavender one Jody Sawyer wears to tell Jonathan that she doesn't want to spend her best dancing years in the back of a core waving a rose back and forth. Anyway, Ashley tried to take a minute to prepare herself in the hallway before she turned the corner to face the cameraman, only to discover that the cameraman had moved up and could already see her. It was such a humble, normal person thing to do, and she had a really cute reaction to finding out that the cameraman was already there. I think she's adorable, and a good little dancer to boot. The more I watch that crash test dummy routine, the more I think it was totally awesome. Wow, evidently I feel a lot more strongly about little Ashley here than Fro Pick.
PMK (Poor Man's Katee), honorable mention: Cool Asian (would this post be complete without a Mean Girls reference?), otherwise known as Asuka. Oh, PMK. I just can't get myself to like you. You, like Fro Pick up there, just seem to be trying too hard, and I'm not picking up what you're throwing down. Alas, there is hope. I didn't like Katee going into last season, because she was such a drama queen when it got down to her and Natalie, and she was such a bad friend to Natalie at the end there (this is a whole separate post, don't get me started). You just need your own "No Air" dance to turn me around. Good luck. 
Carlton (aka Brandon). Go Carlton, Go Carlton, Go! Go! Go! Go, Carlton! He is the spitting image, both physically and personalitally, of the preppy cousin of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, except with better dance moves. I have to say, Carlton, I kind of dig you. I don't love you as much as Mary does, obv, but my underdog reflex kicked in when Mia and Lil C were sacrificing you on their altar of dance. You seem a little dim, or socially awkward, or maybe both, but you can daynce. 
Ruby (Caitlin irl). Here's the thing. I don't think I mind Ruby here, other than her apparent fondness of long-sleeved grey sportsbras and matching biker shorts. She doesn't seem like that great a dancer, I thought she looked overwhelmingly amateur next to Jason on last week's Bollywood routine. But I was pretty ambivalent until I realized who she reminds me of. RUBY. Noel's Ruby. Noel's Ruby who implausibly stars in a Tom Cruise movie and subsequently breaks Noel's heart, but then Noel still totally pines after her even though it's totally obvious he's just using her as a stand-in for Felicity. I really hate Ruby, guys. More than Julie Emerick. Okay, probably not more. Anyway, I'm afraid poor Caitlin doesn't stand a chance now, what with the long-sleeved sports bras and lukewarm dancing and looking like Ruby. Sorry, honey.
Broadway!! Aka Evan. I love me some Broadway. I think he's adorable. I have nothing bad to say about you. Keep trying to make suspenders happen, buddy. They're totally going to happen.
Jaslene/Maria Viramontes. (Jeanette). She pretty clearly looks like Jaslene, the fierce winner of ANTM season 26. Maria Viramontes, however, needs a little explanation. Our Freshman year there was a girl on our floor that never ever had an accent on ANY WORDS, except her last name. Even "Maria" she said totally Americanized, but then her last name was "Vida-mohn-ltes." It's hard to spell. I have to say out loud to you. Anyway, Jeanette here seems to suffer from the same selective accent. Dance-wise, eh. She seems to think she's more talented, cuter, and more endearing than I think she is. I don't know, guys. Just meh.
John Tucker (Jason). Purely on looks alone, though, because he seems like a nice guy and not John Tucker-y at all. Jenny calls him Aladdin because he looked so awesome (and danced so splendidly, I might add) in the Bollywood routine. I could not get over how perfect that routine was for his style. He was so precise and powerful, I thought he danced the harem pants right off of his partner Ruby.
Mean Girls/OC (Jeanine--ps, sure producers, like we're supposed to keep jeanine and jeanette straight?) because she looks like a cross between Janice Ian and Buzzkill Sadie, who dated Ryan Atwood and bored America during the infamous Johnny Era. I quite like Mean Girls/OC, I think she's spunky, and she did a great job on the Tabitha/Napoleon/Neyo routine. I think you're my favorite girl. But that's not really saying much.
Archuleta (Jonathan). Oh brother. Archuleta drives me crazy. Firstly, this is promo photo is a high school graduation GlamorShot gone horribly wrong. His legs flail about as if independent of his body, and he seemed way too into that ridiculous white mesh shirt they had him in last week. Anyway, if I didn't know any better I'd think that "Jonathan" here is really Future David Archuleta who became dissatisfied with his singing career and decided to time-travel back to before it all unraveled and pursued his other passion: salsa dancing in transparent open-chested blouses. I didn't even like Tony, but Archuleta should totally have been the one to go last week.
Laker Girl (Karla). Laker Girl is so mediocre that I can't even remember what dance she was in last week. Anyone? Anyway, she wasn't an actual Laker Girl (at least not that she's publicized, which is probably a smart move on her part), but she seems like she would be. Or will be in about four years after coming in eighteenth on season five of So You Think You Can Dance.
Bad Hair/Bon Losee/Playmate/Planoette (Kayla). UGH. I cannot say enough bad things about Bad Hair. While taking notes for the nickname blog, I actually wrote down "The Worst." There was a moment last week when I literally rewound and paused so Jenny and Rebecca would soak in how hideously blunt and choppy her bleached-white layers are. She would look better bald. Hair aside, as Jenny so aptly said, she reminds me of every drill team girl I went to high school with. Anyway, Bad Hair is the opposite of Carlton, in that I don't think she's as good as the judges are trying to convince me she is. Sure, she's got moves, but I find her so annoying and arrogant that it just doesn't do it for me. Plus, I realize they probably don't choose their outfits for photoshoots, but girlfriend couldn't have vetoed the red velour bra and BUTTERFLY CHOKER?
Five-O (Kupono). I think I like Kupono, but I'm not totally sold yet. So far he just reminds me of my beloved Mark and then I get all misty-eyed and nostalgic for last season. I do like his partner a lot, and I thought he did a great job with the crash test dummy character last week, so I'm sure I'll end up liking him.
Zoolander (Maksim). Pretty self-explanatory. He's giving me Blue Steel at all times. I don't remember much about him other than he's Russian or something, I was too busy zooming in on Bad Hair's bad hair.
Maureen/Old (Melissa). UGH, Melissa. Honey, I don't care what Adam Shankman says, there are A LOT of things better than a naughty ballerina. Stop trying to make it happen. Every time you bite your stupid finger "seductively" I just want to jam it in your eye. And while we're at it, let's 86 the tutus. We get it, you're a ballerina. Anyway, since she seems to have the best technique in the school, just ask her, I call her Maureen. Though I doubt she'll redeem herself in the end by letting Eva Rodriguez dance the lead in Jonathan's ballet. What, you thought we were going to get through this with only one Center Stage reference? You're just lucky I didn't make any Maksim/Sergei comparisons.
Brooklyn (Paris). Because she looks like the annoying preachy Vanessa on that show I don't ever watch anymore. I kind of liked you, Brooklyn. I thought you totally out hip-hopped Tony, who was supposedly a hip hopper. Laker Girl should totally have gone instead of you. In fact, I would have loved to see Tony and PMK go, and then you'd be paired with Vitolio (whose nickname I would have put here, but we haven't gotten to him yet). Sigh. XOXO, V.
Chbeeb (Philip). Okay, so a last name probably doesn't count as a nickname, but that's what we call him. I just don't get all the hype with Chbeeb. Sure, he can wiggle his arms like Gilderoy Lockhart just dissolved his bones, but I happen to think that gets pretty old after the first eighty-six times. However, I like Chbeeb and Mean Girls/OC as a couple, and I loved the Ne-Yo routine last week. He seems like kind of a tool, but we'll see where we get.
EFY (Randi). So, Randi's from Orem, y'all, which is where I just bought a house. She's really cute and little, and pretty darn Utah, but thankfully she doesn't seem to have the accent. I don't know for sure, I haven't heard her say 'mountain' yet. We also call her Unitard, Orem, Married, and David John Hall. Anyway, I like her. I love her with Broadway, I thought they did great last week, and it was sort of adorable that they were both nervous to dance about looooove with her having a husband and all. I also loved that she took the Mia Michaels unitard comments so gracefully and humorously. Well played, Unitard.
Briefcase (Tony), because he danced (if you can call it that) with that stupid briefcase holding a picture of Nigel during Vegas week. Briefcase started to annoy me early on, because he seemed pretty too cool for school at that point, but did a total 180 and sobbed on stage after the Mia Michaels choreography round. In the course of one episode. While I thought it was really amusing to see someone so cocky get the rug pulled out from under him so swiftly, he seemed to have reverted to his arrogant ways come last week. Cockiness is even more annoying in someone who's not particularly talented, so Briefcase definitely rubs me the wrong way. Not that it matters anymore. Peace out, briefcase!
Mistah Eko (Vitolio). Because his accent melts like butter on a hot muffin, much like the former drug-dealer-turned-priest on Lost. I'm a little nervous for Eko, because his personality isn't coming through yet and I don't so much like his partner. I feel like she's competing with him for attention instead of working with him to get attention for both of them, or something. Anyway, I hope she goes and he ends up with someone taller and spunkier, because Mistah Eko's got potential.
So there you have it, folks. And by folks I mean, like Jenny and Bridget and Ashley. Those who don't watch (or obsess over) this show probably bowed out long ago. And now I'm going to go read Bridget's nickname post which I purposely did not read until posting this...
